Perhaps there’s no right way…

6 minutes ago

3 min read

After living in Dunedin for almost two years, our family finally visited Larnach Castle on the Otago Peninsula.

Touring the ornate gardens, searching for the Cheshire Cat, reading the landmark's history, and enjoying the breathtaking view of the South Pacific Ocean made for a memorable experience. And then, we encountered these road signs outside the walls.

An interesting signboard at Larnach Castle. From top to bottom, each sign is carved with ‘tea party’, ‘wrong way’, ‘this way’, ‘that way’, respectively, and the last one is blank.

While these carved words brought Lewis Carroll’s classic tale to mind, they also awakened memories of a familiar song my son used to chant - a melody called ‘Over the Deep Blue Sea’. The lines went like this:

‘Twas a sunny day when I went to play

down by the sea.

I climbed aboard a pirate ship

and the Captain said to me,

“We’re going this way, that way.

Forwards, backwards.

Up and down, up and down.

Over the deep blue sea.”

Curiously, a quick online search for the complete lyrics directed me back to what seems to be the authentic roots of the piece - an old folk song entitled ‘When I Was One’:

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho,

When I was one I’d just begun,

The day I went to sea.

I jumped aboard the pirate ship

And the captain said to me –

‘We're going this way, that way,

Forwards and backwards,

Over the Irish sea.

A bottle of milk to fill my tum

And that's the life for me.

These original lyrics - though slightly different from their modern version - seem to align more closely with the philosophy behind the signboards: the folk song vividly captured the feeling of loss and grumpiness of a young sailor on his first voyage, while the signboards evoked a sense of being lost in the middle of a jungle, as experienced by Alice.

Both portray the experience of embarking on a new adventure and the uncertainty that accompanies it. However, the way the respective characters handle uncertainty may differ.

The song ‘Over the Deep Blue Sea’ (or ‘When I Was One’) seems to highlight that, regardless of experience - be it a captain or a novice on the ship - the sea is always changing, and one just needs to go with it. The lyrics reflect resilience and flexibility, essentially meaning to ‘go with the flow.’

In contrast, the signboards remind visitors of the classic dialogue between Alice and the Cheshire Cat in ‘Alice in Wonderland’:

Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?

The Cheshire Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.

Here, the Cat’s answer affirms the individual’s willpower, suggesting that Alice has the agency to determine her own path.

Dialogue between Alice and the Cheshire Cat — Alice and the Cheshire Cat

It’s hard to tell which mindset is ‘better’. In fact, I realised that my parenting decision-making is constantly intertwined with these two modes of thinking.

Take an example of practising bilingualism at home: we completely let loose with the way English and Mandarin were used interchangeably in our daily conversations, until one day my mum - who had a lifelong career as a Mandarin teacher - complained about not being able to communicate with her grandson without me as a ‘translator’.

From there, I decided to move from ‘going with the flow’ to more intentional efforts to restore the cultural connection, starting with an hour of home-based Chinese class every day.

Research suggests that children are the fastest language learners. Based on my observations, that seemed true. At first, it took an hour to teach three words, but soon it took only 30 minutes. Happy and proud of this progress, I unconsciously grew more egotistical as I started thinking about increasing the volume and frequency of Chinese learning.

Fortunately, researching sustainability reminds me that overemphasising ‘growth’ can be draining. Perhaps maintaining his positive attitude and motivation will help make this current mode of study more lasting for both of us. Let’s go with the flow this time.

Reflecting on this experience makes me think: in life, we always have the choice to press on or go with the flow, but we can’t always control the outcome. Sometimes good things happen after much effort, but sometimes it simply doesn't go as planned.

Perhaps there’s no right way. However, amid this uncertainty, one thing remains clear: every one of our journeys is unique, and through them we learn and grow.

Oh, and I’ve found the Cheshire Cat in the tree!